From August 15, 2008

From August 15, 2008

When I first planned my trip to Cambodia, I scheduled myself for eleven weeks and figured I could add more time if I felt inclined to do so. However, upon reaching the halfway mark, I realized I would probably not want to do another three or four weeks. I am glad I made that decision. I finish my work next week, and though I have mixed emotions about leaving the children, I am very excited to go back home.

Between the language difficulties and overall lack of communication between the staff and the interns, day to day life at the orphanage has become increasingly frustrating. In hindsight, I realize that about two or three weeks in, I began to work independently. When I first arrived at the orphanage and was looking for help from the staff, I would routinely get wrong answers to my questions. If I asked if there was a meeting and was told no, I would have ten children looking for me fifteen minutes later, to tell me that yes, there was a meeting. From that point on, I kept to myself and figured that if the staff needed me, I would find out one way or another and deal with it then. Last weekend, all of the children thought I was bringing them to the beach for some reason. Even the staff was surprised to find out I never told the children this and would not be able to pay for it. I am still not sure where anyone got this idea. I felt guilty, but simply did not have the money or the means to take all the children to Sihanoukville. However, if a child told a staff member about my alleged plans it would make sense if they would then talk to me about it, instead of just accepting it automatically as truth.

The staff was also unable to be a source of support or guidance. More often than not, our interactions were brief and full of confusion. For example, there were times when the staff knew that the power would be out, and they would not tell us. Earlier this week when I asked about the power being out for three days, I was informed that they were rerouting the electrical system at the orphanage. Why wouldn’t you tell all the interns about that? We live at the orphanage! Also, I still have no running water. Though some staff members came in to take a look, they simply said it was broken and that was it. These interactions reinforce the fact that I was pretty much on my own this summer.

I am proud of myself for making it this far. And that is not to say that I thought I would die or run away, but there were some weeks where it was incredibly difficult to deal with living in Cambodia. It was incredibly overwhelming to see the desperation and poverty in the streets. It is frustrating to know that there is nothing you can do. Giving money to one begging child will not solve poverty. Teaching English for one summer will not rid the country of its ills. I would like to think that I made a small impact, but how far will my work go?