Siem Reap

From July 8, 2008.

Last weekend, I decided to take a small trip to celebrate living in Cambodia for a month. I travelled north to Siem Reap to see Angkor Wat. When I began studying about Cambodia, I remember being very interested in the beauty of Angkor Wat. The pictures I saw were simply breathtaking and I could not imagine such a pristine place existing on Earth. I knew that I would have to spend some time in Siem Reap this summer. The opportunity arose last week, as two volunteers wanted to see Angkor Wat before they ended their internship and left for the United States. I accompanied them and we visited the three main temples, Ta Prohm, Bayon and Angkor Wat. Angkor Wat is probably the most famous temple, especially because it adorns the Cambodian flag. However, I found them all equally beautiful and I thoroughly enjoyed my weekend.

As I walked through Ta Prohm, it finally hit me that I was successfully living and working in Cambodia. An idea that came to my mind randomly a year ago had come to fruition. I had found an organization on my own and taken the steps to secure an internship in a country with which the Watson Fellowship had no ties. Now that I am here, I realize how incredibly challenging it is to live in a developing nation, both mentally and physically. I am proud of how far I have come so far, but I realize I do have two months to go. I wonder how I will react to the rest of my time in Cambodia. Will it get easier? Will I still be emotionally drained each day from working with intelligent but impoverished children?

This summer has also been emotionally difficult due to the gender issue. I will admit that before I arrived in Cambodia, I completely underestimated the problems that I may encounter tied to gender. I knew that women were seen as inferior to men, as in many countries, but I did not know how pervasive this would be and how it would affect me. As a Women’s Studies major and a feminist, I am very passionate about fighting for equal rights for every person. However, I have seen things in Cambodia that trouble me so deeply, that I do not know how to contain it. For example, in Siem Reap, when I saw old white men walking around with young, Cambodian women who are clearly prostitutes, it enraged me. Why would they buy into a system that is so dangerous to women? Prostitutes are put in danger every day, as they are often assaulted or raped. They are not tested for sexually transmitted diseases and their general health is disregarded entirely. They do not receive a fair share of the money and they have limited opportunities to break free from prostitution and receive an education. I refuse to even discuss child prostitution, as it is an issue that I cannot bear to write about while I am in Cambodia.

In Siem Reap, I went from seeing the beautiful temples of Angkor Wat and thinking how lucky I was to be working in Cambodia, to seeing old men paying seventeen year old girls for sex and becoming disgusted. This actually describes by time thus far in Cambodia quite succinctly. It is an emotional rollercoaster. One minute, I will hear a child’s correct answer in class and happily realize they understand the concept I am teaching. Then, my mind will travel back to some of the terrible things I have seen here and I nearly want to cry. My time so far has been emotionally challenging but I am trying my best to embrace it. I am taking this as a learning experience and I hope to channel any negative energy into my goal to create social change, in one way or another.