Week 3!

From June 25, 2008

It is my third week at the Palm Tree Orphanage and I feel like I have been here for years. The reason for this is twofold. Firstly, I am finally comfortable here. I have accustomed myself to the random power outages. I try to predict when they will occur; for example, if there is no outage during the day, there will probably be one in the evening, so I shower early to avoid missing out on hot water. Secondly, time moves so slowly here. Perhaps this is due to the fact that I wake up very early for my 7:00am class. I often find myself looking at my watch and wondering how it is not later in the day. In New York, I would always have a multitude of things to do each day. From work to papers to meetings, there was always something on my mind. However, I really do not have much to think about here. All I need to do is prepare my lessons and teach and I have found that relatively easy. I am trying to take this time to relax a bit and not worry so much about “what’s next.” Thinking too much about the future makes you miss out on the present, and I certainly do not want to do that this summer.

I have a great admiration for the staff and children at the Palm Tree Orphanage. Despite the hardships that have come their way, from poverty to loss of loved ones, they have a great resilience about them. A situation yesterday deepened this sentiment in my mind. In the early evening, I was playing with a few of the children, when I noticed that about twenty kids and staff members were gathered in a circle, looking at something on the floor. I thought maybe one of them had caught a frog or a small animal, but then I saw a little girl lying on the floor, bleeding profusely. I found out she had jumped off the top of a car, and hit her head on the concrete, opening a huge gash in her forehead. Upon seeing her bleeding from the head, I said, “we need to take her to a hospital!” In hindsight, I realize they have probably encountered something like this before and should know how to handle it, but that was my first reaction. The “doctor” at the Palm Tree Orphanage, who has little training beyond his stint in the medical unit during the Vietnam War, prepared to stitch together the little girl’s wound. Just then, the power went out! I could not believe what was happening. There was a five year old girl on the floor, bleeding from the head, and it was pitch black. However, this still did not stop anyone. The staff immediately brought out motion-powered flashlights (donated by my family, which fortunately arrived last week) and the doctor began to place stitches across the girl’s forehead. As she screamed and cried and flailed, we held her down and tried to assure her everything was going to be okay.

For me, it was incredibly frightening to see the little girl in such pain. She is one of my favorite children at the orphanage. She is always smiling or laughing, with the most beautiful expression on her face. To hear her screaming as they put the stitches in her forehead upset me deeply. After the doctor finished and the crowd dispersed, I thought about the entire incident and realized how inspiring it was. During the makeshift surgery, the older girls and boys helped the doctor, held flashlights and carried the girl back to her room when he was finished. The young children held one another’s hands and did not seem to worry one bit. Everyone cooperated. There was no sense of confusion or fear. Someone was hurt, and they were going to fix the problem, power or no power.

Today, the girl was laughing and playing as if nothing had ever happened. If not for the enormous bandage across her head, no one would have known she was seriously injured the day before. In situations such as these, and with problems such as poverty or illness, everything is about perseverance. You cannot change the circumstances of your life. You must do the best you can. I believe this is what living in a developing nation must be like, everyday.

More and more

From June 19, 2008

Yesterday, I experienced my first holiday in Cambodia. June 18 marked “Mother of the King Day,” which celebrates the King’s mother’s birthday. The children had off from school, so I found myself with a free day to explore the town. I first cautiously asked about the holiday, since I wondered whether stores would be open or not. My unfamiliarity with the day prompted several staff members to ask if we had a similar holiday in America. I told them a bit about President’s Day, but informed them that did not have holidays to celebrate any of the President’s family members. The thought of “National Barbara Bush Day” made me laugh a bit to myself.

I decided to take advantage of my day off and visit the National Museum. The museum houses a great deal of ancient Khmer sculptures, mostly images of Buddha. Many of the pieces were from Angkor Wat, which made me very excited for my trip there, which will hopefully take place in July. Afterwards, I visited a restaurant run by an NGO; all of the profits go towards fighting child trafficking and exploitation. Since I am interested in their work, I also stopped by their office to network and find about more about how I could become involved. However, I was a bit disappointed. Though the office was clearly open to visitors, the workers inside did not seem to understand why I was there. I was greeted by two women, one Cambodian and one Western, who both spoke English fluently, but they did not seem interested in talking to me. I asked if there were any upcoming fundraisers or events, to which they replied no. Then, on the wall, I noticed there was a public training session the very next day! I could not understand why they were not more receptive, especially when I was obviously interested in their mission.

In speaking to people about Cambodia in the past, many people remarked that the country is, in general, a very friendly place. However, I find quite the opposite! Aside from people at the orphanage, who are lovely and quite caring, I have yet to meet someone in central Phnom Penh who I would describe as friendly. Some of this could be attributed to the language difference. But most of my interactions have been very brusque and cold. Everyone seems very detached and distant. Recently, I thought of something a mentor told me when she learned I was interested in working in Cambodia. She told me that when she visited, she felt a tension in the city. I feel this tension too, and I am not sure if it can be attributed to the nation’s history or poverty or another issue altogether.

I must also realize that these interactions may be skewed because I am a woman. Though things are far from equal between men and women in America, it is entirely permissible for a woman to travel alone or to move out from her parents’ home before she is married. This is not the case in Cambodia, as I discussed with two teachers at the orphanage earlier today. One teacher was telling me about a problem she is having with her family. She wants to continue her education and be a college professor, but her mother is giving her trouble because the classes are at night. Her mother did not see travelling alone at night to be appropriate behavior for a young woman. The teachers also told me about how women cannot move out from their family’s home until they are married, and how marriage is not an option unless the woman is “original”, meaning a virgin. After this conversation, I realize that perhaps my cold interactions with townspeople have to do with the fact that I am a woman, on my own, in a foreign nation. The cultural perceptions of women change from country to country, and I must keep that in mind during my travels.

This week, I have attempted to talk with the older children to learn more about them. I was surprised to find that many of them are very willing to discuss their pasts with me. One boy told me about how he lived on the street for several years. He was brought to the Palm Tree Orphanage with a group of friends, who eventually ended up leaving and resorting to a life of crime. Last he heard, they were in prison for robbing tourists. We talked about why he stayed and his goals for one day being a businessman. One girl told me that her parents died from AIDS, and that she has living grandparents, but they rarely visit. She told me that she was very upset and lonely when she first came to the orphanage, but has since come to think of it as her home.

Though I cannot communicate with many of the younger kids, their actions often tell me a bit about their pasts as well. A few of the children have begun hitting me when I do something they do not like. This may either mean getting up to get a drink of water or playing with another child momentarily. Each time, the same thing will happen. The child will rear his or her arm back very far, and slap me across the face or punch me. Sometimes they just threaten to hit me, which is equally disturbing. Since I cannot communicate to them in English, I try to show them that this is not acceptable, but I am not sure that the message gets through. Last time, I went to my room and ended our playtime, to signal to them that something had gone wrong. Either way, the children clearly learned that behavior from somewhere and it disturbs me to think about them being hurt in such a way.

Getting down to the details

June 17, 2008

In this entry, I would like to start by discussing more of the details of life in Phnom Penh thus far. I am living on site, in a guestroom in the Palm Tree Orphanage. I was very happy to be offered a room in the orphanage, since it removed the burden of having to find an apartment or a roommate. Additionally, the guestroom is quite comfortable, which is an added bonus. The room is equipped with an air conditioner and a Western style bathroom, which are both considered luxuries in Cambodia. The rest of the orphanage is not air conditioned and squat toilets are the norm.

I am provided lunch and dinner at the orphanage. I am extremely grateful to the staff for this, especially since I know they have limited resources. However, I cannot say that I am particularly enthralled by Khmer food. Each dish seems to be drenched in a very sweet sauce, which does not appeal to my palate. Dishes will usually consist of egg, fish, or an unknown meat in a stew. I usually just eat the rice. The other volunteers recommended I go into town at least once a week to eat a Western style meal to supplement my diet. One evening, the other volunteers and I were so famished that we bought a whole chicken from a street vendor. I did not know that the chicken would still have the head and feet attached! I tried my best to ignore the eyes staring up at me, and I ate as if I had not had a meal in days.

The volunteers here have been very helpful to me as I become accustomed to Cambodia. Since Cambodia’s Hope only accepts volunteers, people come whenever they can. For example, the two volunteers here now have planned to stay for a month. This week, another volunteer is set to arrive and stay for one year. Then, several more are coming in July and August. Most of these individuals discovered Cambodia’s Hope through Semester at Sea, a study abroad program that takes place on a ship that navigates across the globe. Terry Kellogg, one of the founders of Cambodia’s Hope, taught a class on one voyage, and encouraged all of the students to visit the orphanage. Indirectly, this was how I found out about them as well. A friend of mine from college was on a Semester at Sea trip. When she found out I was interested in working in Cambodia, she encouraged me to look into the Palm Tree Orphanage.

Unfortunately, I do not know a great deal about how Cambodia’s Hope is financed. I do know that they are a United States based 501(c)3 nonprofit organization that funds activities at the Palm Tree Orphanage. Working at the orphanage does not allow me to find out much of the technical information due to the language gap, but I try to piece together information as it comes along. I remember discussing with Jennifer that the founders decided to base the nonprofit in America rather than Cambodia to avoid bureaucracy, which makes a great deal of sense now that I see how things operate here.

The Palm Tree Orphanage is based slightly west of central Phnom Penh, in a residential area. The street on which it is located is not paved, but is a dirt road that floods every time it rains for more than a half hour. The flood of water soon turns into a river of garbage, as the water picks up any of the trash discarded along the road. This is simply a part of life, and the children wade across when they need to go to school. I was told not to follow them, as I could get a parasite. However, once you travel into central Phnom Penh, things look a bit different. The streets are paved and lined with stores, offering everything from clothing to motorcycle parts to computers. It struck me as odd at first, because it seemed that a country with very little money would not have a lot of merchandise to sell. My favorite part of the city is the Riverside, where there are restaurants and clothing shops and book stores. There is another area that I enjoy, informally called the Backpacker’s Area, which is quite often frequented by Westerners. Again, there are good restaurants and travel agencies so you can visit Siem Reap or Thailand or any of the neighboring areas. I have not yet seen the more rural areas of Cambodia, but perhaps a trip there is in my future. The Palm Tree Orphanage operates a farm in the Kampot Province and I would love to visit to see a different part of the country.

I have begun to think about my cultural project, and I have decided to create something related to the Khmer language. The older children have taken great interest in teaching me two words of Khmer a day, so I think I should take advantage of their kindness and learn as much as I can. I have become quite comfortable with what I’ve learned so far, so much so that I have begun speaking to some of the cooks and aides in their language. The pleased look on their faces when I say “Hello” (johm-rip-say-oo) encourages me to learn more. Also, I believe it shows them that I am not just here to teach my way of life, but to absorb their culture as well.

One week down

From June 13, 2008.

I am slowly becoming accustomed to life at the orphanage. I will admit that the first weekend was hard, especially because I was facing a great deal of culture shock and I was a bit worried about how I would last until the end of August. However, I am feeling a bit better now that I have spent a few days here. The children are amazing, and surprisingly, as interested in teaching me Khmer as I am about teaching them English! One girl in particular has challenged me to learn two words of Khmer a day. This came after I tried to greet her by saying “hello” in Khmer, but I actually said a very foul word. Fortunately, she was not offended! She found it funny, and took the opportunity to teach me her language. So far, I have eight words in my lexicon and I am excited to learn more.

Classes are continuing to go quite well. The assistant teachers are helping me a great deal. They have set aside time to share their lesson plans with me, which allowed me to continue from where they had left off. They also gave me advice about teaching; they thought that I started out a bit too fast, and encouraged me to teach fewer concepts each day. I believe I made this mistake because I can easily make conversation with many of them outside of the classroom. However, the skills needed to carry on a conversation are entirely different from those utilized when knowing the full meaning and usage of a word, so I was willing to reevaluate my technique. After hearing this criticism, I took more time to review and repeat material the next day, so there was no confusion. For example, in one of my classes, I am teaching them numbers; instead of assigning twenty numbers each day, I reduced it to ten so we have more time to repeat each.

One of the assistants, Marian, is very friendly and we spend a great deal of time before and after class talking about the cultural differences between Cambodia and the United States. She began asking me about where I lived and what forms of transportation were most popular. She was shocked when I told her that the subway cost $2 dollars, and that is mostly how I get around Manhattan. That equals to eight thousand riels! We also talked about the relation between skin color and perceived class in our countries. Cambodian society prefers lighter skin, and Marian told me that there were “bleaching salons” where women and men could lighten their skin. This cleared up an earlier mystery; one of the children showed me a professional photo of herself, taken at government school, and the picture was digitally enhanced to give her pale, white skin. Marian could not believe Americans pay money to go to tanning salons and darken their skin several shades.

However, during one of our talks, Marian asked me if it is permissible for two women to walk down the street holding hands in America. I was not quite sure what she meant at first because I know in many cultures it is acceptable for friends of the same sex to hold hands. But when she clarified, she clearly meant if they were in love with each other. I was happy to talk to her about this, because I wanted to find about the status of homosexuality in Cambodia from citizens themselves, as they could probably describe society’s view most accurately. After telling Marian a bit about what it was like in America, she told me that it is okay in Cambodia if two women are in love. However, gay men are called “ladyboys” and, from what I understand, Cambodians seem to equate it more with being transgender than being gay. But she said that overall, it was tolerated in the country. I’m not quite sure why Marian brought it up, because I doubt that she detected that I was gay. It was interesting to go from talking about train rides to discussing cultural views of homosexuality!

In all, my first week at the Palm Tree Orphanage has gone very well. I am delighted that the kids enjoy my company. I wake up early and stay up late to play with them and I try to engage them in informal conversations to help their English. One of their favorite questions to ask is, “what did you have for breakfast?” and “did you sleep well last night?” I always open my door to four or five children, waiting for me to come out. One child has even made a habit of sitting next to my door and pressing the buttons on her watch, thus making loud beeping noises signaling she wants me to come out and play! I hope that this means that I am making a difference in their lives. I eagerly anticipate the upcoming weeks; I hope to make a great deal of progress in teaching English and learning about Cambodian culture.

Starting work

This one is dated June 9, 2008.

Though my last entry may have ended on a bit of a low note, I feel a bit better today about my situation. It is true that Cambodia is extremely underdeveloped and conditions are far worse than I imagined. There are no paved roads, garbage lines the streets, and the stench of rotten meat is all around. Children walk about the streets, begging for money; however, they are being forced to beg by an older man who takes the money. The children at the orphanage have no family and can rely only on themselves, the staff, and the occasional volunteer. The children range in age from four to seventeen. Despite their hardships, these children are extremely loving and affectionate. I am greeted each morning with hugs and kisses, and they thank me for being there with them. They are made happy by the simplest things; for example, I brought several gifts for the children, which included toothbrushes, hair ties, jump ropes and other toys. As I distributed the hair ties, they looked at me with the utmost admiration and thanked me throughout the day.

Their way of life is so different, and it makes me contemplate the status of the United States and the lavish excess that overtakes American culture. I was discussing this with one older child, who visited the United States a few years ago; her parents were government officials before they passed away. The child told me how she was appalled by the size of the food portions and the media attention on celebrities. It was fascinating to hear this commentary from her, since I really felt out of my comfort zone in such an underdeveloped nation. I realized I take a lot for granted in my life. This includes readily available food and drink, electricity, clean water, and most importantly, a loving and caring family. The children at the Palm Tree Orphanage have so little, but they are so grateful for what they have. It is truly inspiring.

Today marked my first day of work. I was given my schedule, and I was assigned to teach several classes of English each day. In the early mornings and the evenings, I will be taking care of the children; this could range from playing games with them, to brushing their hair, to helping them clean up their rooms. This will surely be a job that takes up my entire day! My first classes went very well today. One class is basic English, for beginning students. These are very young children who have been exposed to very little of the language, so it was a challenge communicating with them. Fortunately, I have an assistant who is fluent in Khmer, Marian, who fills in the gaps where I cannot understand a child or vice versa. Another one of my classes was with slightly older students, who were one level up from the beginners. This was the hardest to teach, because the kids were older and thus more prone to talk out of turn or disrupt. The class was a bit frustrating, especially because I could not say “please raise your hand!” I also have an assistant for that class as well, but it seems she may be used to the students running around the room arbitrarily.

The classes went very well, overall. The children are fast learners and they are excited to be speaking in English. I have a hard time figuring out if they truly know what the words mean, or if they are simply hearing the words and repeating them phonetically. I suppose it takes a bit of time before I can truly gauge their comprehension. Later this month, I will be writing a test for the children, which should be exciting. They are graded on several items, including reading, writing, speaking and hygiene. I thought the hygiene part was a bit random, but it is the only time that the orphanage staff can meet with and examine each child to ensure they are washing their hands and brushing their teeth.

I love the children very much, and their smiles each day remind me of my true task. As I stated in my goals, I would like to express to each child that there are people who care about them, and they can do anything they want in this world as long as they dedicate themselves. I have been asking the older children about what they want to do when they grow up, and I have received wonderful answers. One girl wants to be a fashion designer, and another wants to be a doctor. I told them that they should study hard and stay in school to achieve these goals. I have also been helping them with their other studies in my spare time. Children at the orphanage go to class at Palm Tree (the courses I and volunteers teach) and also government sanctioned school. Thus, they are receiving a huge benefit in that they are learning much more than average Cambodian children, who hardly receive any education. By encouraging them to study and work hard, I hope to help them achieve their goals, despite their current hardships.

Things do get difficult at times. For example, time moves extremely slowly here, since there is limited internet access, no television, and basically nothing to do in your spare time except play with the kids or read. I still face a great deal of jet lag and my sleeping schedule is completely disjointed; I often fall asleep at 10pm, wake up at 2am, and then cannot return to sleep. Since I must wake up at 6am, this makes things very difficult. I am also missing my family and partner very much. Luckily I can talk with them online every so often, but it is much less contact than I am used to! I am hoping either my mother or my partner will visit me during my time here. However, despite these minor troubles, I remind myself that I am here for the kids. I must dedicate myself to whatever these children need, since we are all they have. I hope I can change their lives as they are certainly changing mine, everyday.

Arrival

Here's my first Watson journal, after I arrived in Cambodia. It is dated June 7, 2008.

After an arduous twenty hour flight, I arrived in Cambodia yesterday. Moving through the streets, I could barely fathom that I was in the country I have been studying and planning on visiting for so long! It was a surreal feeling. In only one night, I have learned so much about the children at the Palm Tree Orphanage, and I have been deeply touched by their lives here in Phnom Penh.

Fortunately, Jennifer arranged for me to be picked up by one of the staff members, so I could easily get to my destination without trouble. As I mentioned before, I planned to stay in a guesthouse for the first weekend to rid myself of jet lag and rest for my impending work. I was fortunate to be picked up by Perun, one of the directors. However, I did not expect to be greeted by fifteen young children, who could not wait any longer to see me! As soon as I exited the airport, I was welcomed by hugs, kisses and questions about myself. All of the girls told me that I was beautiful, and that they wanted to be like me. They very rarely see people who look like me, meaning light skin and Western features, except for the volunteers who visit. It was quite overwhelming, as I felt so much love generate from these young children. They were very happy to hear that I would be staying with them for three months!

When Perun asked me which guesthouse I would be staying at, the children became very sad. They assumed that I would be heading with them to the orphanage, and immediately started asking where I was going and why I wasn’t going to stay with them. I tried to tell them I would move in with them on Monday, but they were upset nonetheless. I quickly decided in my head that this was not the way I wanted to start out. I asked Perun to take me directly to the orphanage. Despite the jet lag or the problems I may face, it was more important to the children that they see me move in that night. I did not want to give them the wrong impression or hurt their feelings, especially upon our first meeting.

However, upon reaching our destination, I wondered if I made the right choice. There was a power outage! I immediately began worrying about how I would contact my family to let them know I arrived safely. My mind flooded with concerns about my mother and father. If I could not call or e-mail them, how would they know I was safe? Would they worry all night? The thoughts plagued my mind for the entire night, as I could not sleep at all. This may have been a side effect of the jet lag, but my mind raced with thoughts and kept me awake all night. I resigned myself to unpacking my clothing at 3am and reading to keep my mind off of things I could not control.

The children did make things a bit better. Upon entering the orphanage, each child came out to greet me, hold my hand, and thank me for being there. I was touched by their affection and love. The other volunteers, Cory and Shea, also helped me; their room was still cool from running the air conditioner earlier, so I stayed in their room a bit and learned about their past few weeks at the orphanage. They told me that it is rewarding work and that, overall, they really enjoyed being with the children. I hope I have a similar experience!

I feel a bit better today, because I woke up and called my mother immediately to let her know I had arrived safely. I miss my family very much and I hope this does not impact my work this summer. Upon arriving in the dark, hot orphanage last night, I wondered to myself, how can I do this for three months? How can I stay in this underdeveloped country, with no source of support? I hope to keep in contact with my family and my partner so that I have the strength to go on. I am facing a challenge, but I hope beginning work on Monday will help motivate me.

Kampuchea

I have arrived in Cambodia and I'm still in shock. It's surreal. Something I have been planning and thinking about for so long is now a reality, and it's intense. I have to write journals for my Watson Fellowship, so I'm planning on posting them here as well, so everyone gets a detailed idea of my life here. But for now, here are a few items.

Well, it's hot. It's extremely underdeveloped (yes, I know it's a developing nation but I guess I'm sheltered) and there seems to be no solid infrastructure, so to speak. The children at the orphanage are incredible. I can hardly communicate with most of them, but they are so sweet, and so loving. I begin teaching English tomorrow, and fortunately I will be working with a person who speaks Khmer. Between the both of us, we'll be teaching the kids as much as we can.

I'll update this week with my Watson journals. I just tried to upload pictures to this blog, but it refuses to work...so if you're on Facebook, check out my album. Friend me, if necessary.

Thanks for reading and I'll post again soon...

And away we go!

I can't believe tomorrow is the big day! I have been looking forward to this trip for a long time. I first got in touch with Palm Tree Orphanage in September of last year, I believe...so since then, I have been working to make this summer a reality. I'm so excited!

I think I have my weekend planned out. I arrive on Friday at 7pm. Fortunately, a staffer at the orphanage will be picking me up from the airport to bring me to the Boddhi Tree Guesthouse, which I will be staying at for the first few days while I sleep off my jet lag. I'm very grateful for this, as it'll be nice to see a welcoming face upon my arrival. On Saturday, I plan to visit Phnom Wat, to pray for a summer of good luck (I'll get into my fascination with Buddhism later). Also, my hotel is very close to Tuol Sleng Museum, which I would like to see that weekend as well. The orphanage recommends that the children not be exposed to anything regarding the Khmer Rouge genocide, so I think I'll be doing most of those trips on my own. There is also a classical dance performance on Saturday at the Chenla Theater, but I'm not sure of the time. Unless I can get more information, I may miss out on that. I might be exhausted anyway, so I'm not trying to plan too much, especially since I will be starting work on Monday.

I found myself very worried about what I'd be bringing the children today. My parents bought the children 100 motion powered flashlights, since there are frequent power outages. The flashlights are pretty neat...you shake them and that energy powers the light. I'm bringing frisbees, jump ropes, toothbrushes, hairbrushes, crayons and paper. I'm trying to think of sustainable items for them, but it's very difficult because I imagine these children need so much and it's hard to prioritize. Also, I reassured myself in knowing that once I am there, I can evaluate what they need and bring them on trips to get clothing and other things.

So, tomorrow is my 17+ hour plane trip into Bangkok, then another hour and a half into Phnom Penh. I will update as soon as I can, hopefully Saturday evening. I seriously hope my laptop doesn't melt mid-trip, as it often fails to locate my hard drive for no good reason. In any case, I will be in touch one way or another. If you'd like to Skype me, my name is reg.gen. If you'd like me to Skype you (probably makes more sense), leave your name in a comment or email me. And for a easy to use world time converter, check out this site: http://members.virtualtourist.com/vt/tt/1/. Cambodia is eleven hours ahead, but that site is pretty convenient for double checking.

Next stop, Kampuchea...