Why Cambodia?

From August 18, 2008

2008-10-20T16:03:00.000-04:00

August 18, 2008

This is my last entry, as I leave Cambodia on Thursday. Lately, I think my journals have been somewhat negative. August has certainly been frustrating for several reasons. However, my recent writings do not accurately convey my thoughts about the entire summer.

Cambodia’s Hope is an amazing organization. They are doing a great service to the children, as they are receiving a great education, they are learning English, and they have food and shelter every day. Compared to street children in Cambodia, they are very fortunate. This is all thanks to Cambodia’s Hope and Palm Tree Orphanage. I think the language differences and the communication problems would have been present in any organization here, so I do not fault the staff for that. However, it was very different from any other Watson summer and I am thankful for the experience. I would have been very upset if I traveled thousands of miles to sit in an office from nine to five.

Most importantly, I have made strong connections with all of the children at the Palm Tree Orphanage. I think that I made an impact on the kids by letting them know that I was there for them, no matter what the circumstances were. I made an emotional connection and I think most of the kids appreciated that. On the subject of my teaching, I think I made a greater impact outside of the classroom. In class, I felt that I was really only following what the teachers had done before, and there was no room for me to make suggestions or corrections. For example, the children can only read because they are repeating what they hear phonetically. Most of them cannot pronounce a word they have never heard before, but I tried to have them ‘sound it out’ and recognize the sound of the letters. This did not go far. However, outside of class time, I was able to work on their language skills by talking with them informally, reading to them, and answering questions they had about homework. Overall, I think I did make an impact and I hope the kids feel that way too.

I believe working in Cambodia has been the best thing I ever done. I am proud of myself for dedicating myself to the idea and then following through to make it a reality. I am not a natural traveler; before this trip, I had only been to England twice and that was with my family. I like to think it was bold to plan my first solo trip abroad to a developing nation. Certainly, I was presented some challenges that others, in more wealthy countries, were not. Of course this was done purposefully. I sought a transformative summer and I thought I would learn and change the most by living in a radically different place. I am satisfied with my work and progress over the past three months.

From August 15, 2008

2008-10-18T16:04:00.000-04:00

From August 15, 2008

When I first planned my trip to Cambodia, I scheduled myself for eleven weeks and figured I could add more time if I felt inclined to do so. However, upon reaching the halfway mark, I realized I would probably not want to do another three or four weeks. I am glad I made that decision. I finish my work next week, and though I have mixed emotions about leaving the children, I am very excited to go back home.

Between the language difficulties and overall lack of communication between the staff and the interns, day to day life at the orphanage has become increasingly frustrating. In hindsight, I realize that about two or three weeks in, I began to work independently. When I first arrived at the orphanage and was looking for help from the staff, I would routinely get wrong answers to my questions. If I asked if there was a meeting and was told no, I would have ten children looking for me fifteen minutes later, to tell me that yes, there was a meeting. From that point on, I kept to myself and figured that if the staff needed me, I would find out one way or another and deal with it then. Last weekend, all of the children thought I was bringing them to the beach for some reason. Even the staff was surprised to find out I never told the children this and would not be able to pay for it. I am still not sure where anyone got this idea. I felt guilty, but simply did not have the money or the means to take all the children to Sihanoukville. However, if a child told a staff member about my alleged plans it would make sense if they would then talk to me about it, instead of just accepting it automatically as truth.

The staff was also unable to be a source of support or guidance. More often than not, our interactions were brief and full of confusion. For example, there were times when the staff knew that the power would be out, and they would not tell us. Earlier this week when I asked about the power being out for three days, I was informed that they were rerouting the electrical system at the orphanage. Why wouldn’t you tell all the interns about that? We live at the orphanage! Also, I still have no running water. Though some staff members came in to take a look, they simply said it was broken and that was it. These interactions reinforce the fact that I was pretty much on my own this summer.

I am proud of myself for making it this far. And that is not to say that I thought I would die or run away, but there were some weeks where it was incredibly difficult to deal with living in Cambodia. It was incredibly overwhelming to see the desperation and poverty in the streets. It is frustrating to know that there is nothing you can do. Giving money to one begging child will not solve poverty. Teaching English for one summer will not rid the country of its ills. I would like to think that I made a small impact, but how far will my work go?

From August 3, 2008

2008-10-16T16:02:00.000-04:00

From August 3, 2008

Life at Palm Tree has been difficult for the past week. There are only three Americans teachers left. At one point, we had ten or eleven volunteers, and the children were overjoyed! However, it is now just Becca, Evan and I, and we are struggling to make up the difference. Adding to this pressure is the fact that the power outages have increased in frequency, and there is no running water in my room. I look forward to going back home, if for the hot shower alone!

One evening, we planned to have a movie night for the kids. We picked up a pirated version of Wall-E from the market, and asked if we could gather all the kids after dinner to watch it. However, the power was off all day and, by dinner time, had not yet returned. One of the staff asked if we wanted to run the generator. However, the generator costs $30 dollars an hour, not including the price of gasoline. I did not see the point in paying that much, especially since we could just watch the movie another night. I told them we would watch it when the power returned later that week.

Since there was nothing else to do, Becca and I walked to a nearby gas station to sit in the air conditioning. It was not that dark yet, so we felt we were safe. We stayed for about an hour, but upon leaving, we realized it had started to rain. We were several blocks away, and we knew it would begin pouring rain at any moment. The street in front of the orphanage would be flooded in about ten minutes. To avoid this, we ran! We sprinted the entire way back, dodging motos and trying to ignore the fact that the lightning was incredibly close to where we were. Soaking wet and out of breath, we finally reached the gates of the orphanage. Upon entering, we were not greeted in any way you would greet someone who is clearly frightened and soaked. One of the boys asked us to buy gasoline for the generator. We told him we had already talked about it with the staff, and we would watch the movie another time. We retreated to our dark room to change our clothes and bathe out of five gallon buckets.

Fifteen minutes later, we heard a knock on the door. Another one of the older boys wanted to know why we did not want to pay for the generator. I was shocked that he would ask us that! I told him it was too expensive for us, especially since we could just watch it another day this week. To my surprise, he began arguing with me! He told me the children wanted to watch it very badly because they were all bored. I could not understand what the problem was. Why would we pay over $100 dollars for them to watch a movie I bought for $2 dollars at the market? I tried to explain to the best of my ability that it was too expensive, and then I closed the door.

But they knocked again! Now there was a group of older kids outside my door. This time, they told me the staff agreed to pay for the generator so they just needed the movie. Of course, they were lying. They said this expecting that I would say “oh no, the staff should not pay for it, here’s the money!” However, at this point, I felt really uncomfortable that they were bothering me all night about the movie. I gave them the DVD. Remarkably, the children began examining the movie, to see if it met their approval! One of the boys said, “Is this all you have?”

I was so frustrated. I was simply trying to do something nice for the children by buying them a movie. But this is where that feeling of obligation sets in once again. It was not enough that I thought of the kids to plan a movie night, but I must also pay nearly a hundred dollars so they can watch it right that moment. It made no sense to me, and left me feeling guilty the rest of the week.

From July 28, 2008

2008-10-14T16:01:00.000-04:00

From July 28, 2008

It is hard to believe that I have less than a month left in Cambodia. Days seem to be flying by, whereas when I first arrived, time moved quite slowly. I am careful not to take these last days for granted, as I know I will miss the children very much when I am back in New York.

All the children know I am leaving this month, so they have begun to ask me what day and time I am going to the airport. It is hard to hear them ask when my last day is, because I am not sure how to approach the issue. I tell them when I am leaving, but then I tell them that I will try to return next summer and that more volunteers will come to be with them in the meantime. However, this answer does not seem to satisfy them, as they continue to look at me and hold on to me tighter. In the next few weeks, I must help them adjust to the idea that I will be leaving soon. It will be difficult for the children, since I lived with them at the orphanage for the entire summer.

However, other children are having a much different reaction. Some of the older boys, realizing that the summer is almost over, have asked me to buy them items that they cannot afford. Buying things for the children was a constant the entire summer; whenever I went to the market, a crowd of children would come expecting I would buy them hair gel or ice cream. The first few times I obliged, but it was unrealistic for me to buy items for ten children each time I needed something from the store, especially if this was in addition to my weekly donation of fruit for the entire orphanage. Once it was clear I only had a few weeks left, one older boy continually asked me to buy him an iPod or give him mine.

The feeling of obligation that plagued me the entire summer has gotten worse lately since I am leaving soon. The pressure is not only coming from the kids, but from the staff as well. A few staff members would come with us to the market expecting me to buy them things, and it made me very uncomfortable. Even when buying fruit for all the kids, there was no word of thanks from the staff. It was just something I was supposed to do. I was happy to purchase things for the children, but I felt that it should be my decision about what I am buying and when. I would much rather buy all the kids fruit than buy ice cream for the few kids that happen to see me leaving for the market.

Learning from the volunteers who were here before me, I saw that this was simply the way things were around the orphanage. The American teachers would always buy things for the children. However, I do not think it is appropriate for the children to think of their English teachers as people who will buy them anything whenever they ask. Because of this system, I notice that some of the kids have become very spoiled. They will pick the most expensive item, and then it is usually broken or stolen within the next week because they do not take care of their belongings.

On Hiatus

2008-07-31T21:05:00.001-04:00

So, my laptop is broken...again. I won't be able to do much blogging now, since the computers in Cambodia are just way too slow to get anything done. When I return to the States, I'll type up four new blogposts. For now, pen and paper will have to do.

I am currently backpacking through Thailand, Laos and Vietnam. I'm in Bangkok right now and it's amazing. There are just no words, sometimes.

I'll be home in 22 days. Hope to see you all soon.

You Look Black!

2008-07-28T08:30:00.000-04:00

From July 22, 2008

An interesting aspect of my life here with the children is the importance of skin color and race in Cambodia. In Khmer culture, skin color is tied to class. Darker skinned individuals are seen as lower class. Peasants and farm workers usually have darker skin from being in the sun all day, so this is seen as negative in Cambodian society. Lighter skin is favored and associated with higher classes. I noticed how prevalent these ideas about skin color were as soon as I stepped off the plane. All the girls commented on my light skin and told me how beautiful I was. When I go to the market, I am usually stopped by older women who tell me how they love my light skin and small nose.

Accordingly, as much as they love people with white skin, I have seen the children say extremely racist things about people with dark skin. One example occurred when we were at the airport a few weeks ago, waiting for a new intern to arrive. I have noticed that when the kids travel to the airport and see people of all types and nationalities, they tend to laugh and make fun of the people who are not like them. They openly point and laugh at people of color. One of the older girls pointed at a man with dark skin, perhaps of African descent, and said, “If the new volunteer looks like that, I will tell him to get back on the plane.” I was shocked! I could not believe that one of the sweetest girls at the orphanage was being so blatantly racist and offensive. I ignored the comment at first, not knowing what to say. But then, she asked me, “Would you be happy if your skin looked like that?” I told her that it would not make a difference, since I was the same person on the inside and skin color really does not matter.

Earlier today, I had a discussion about skin color with the same girl. Having returned from the beach, my skin is darker than when I left. She came up to me and, with a look of disgust, said, “You look black.” Laughing it off, I told her I tanned on the beach. She told me I should stay out of the sun, because I was so beautiful before and now my skin is so dark. Seeing how serious she was, I told her that no matter what color my skin is, I am still the same person. She walked off, with the same look on her face, as if to say, “Why would you deliberately darken your skin?”

I am not sure how to respond in such situations, because I do not want to imply that my cultural views are correct and theirs are not. However, it is extremely troubling to know that the children place so much importance on skin color. I think I dealt with these encounters correctly by telling them my opinion, and letting them know that there is more to a person than what is on the outside.

This Is Our Country, Not Your Country

2008-07-26T03:29:00.000-04:00

July 21, 2008

Last weekend, I traveled to Sihanoukville. A few of my fellow interns and I took a four hour bus ride to the southern coast of Cambodia. Sihanoukville is very well known by tourists for its beautiful beaches and excellent seafood. I anticipated a relaxing time on the beach. Although I did have an enjoyable time overall, a number of events occurred that continue to trouble me as I write this.

I have become accustomed to seeing children working everywhere. I often see them cleaning tables at restaurants or selling books on the street. In Sihanoukville, girls and boys walk around to the tourists in beach chairs, offering to make them custom jewelry out of string or lanyard. A few girls came to talk to me and the other interns, and offered to make us “friendship bracelets” for free. I was skeptical, since nothing is really free, and I gave the girl who made mine a dollar. They eventually left after we told them we were not interested in buying anything. Later, the other interns changed their minds and purchased jewelry from different girls.

However, this was the wrong move. The girls who had made friendship bracelets somehow found out we purchased from other kids and confronted us that evening! As we ate dinner, six or seven girls surrounded us and asked us why we would give money to other kids, after they had made us friendship bracelets first! They stood there for about a half hour, attempting to get us to buy something from them by making us feel guilty. Since I had given my girl a dollar, she did not bother me. However, it was quite odd to feel so intimidated by this gang of eight or nine year old girls. It was also disturbing to think about where the money was going. Was I naïve to think it was going towards their education, as they told me? Was the money feeding their family? Or did they simply pass off the money to an adult who was just using them?

I was also deeply disturbed by the child prostitution I noticed there. At night, we would see white men casually walking by, holding hands with girls who looked extremely young. I would not be surprised if some of these girls were twelve or thirteen. Many of the girls were clearly intoxicated, struggling to walk without falling down. It was disgusting to see these fifty and sixty year old men cavorting and flirting with these girls as if there was nothing wrong with what they were doing. I have a serious problem with anyone who would travel thousands of miles to live out the disgusting fantasy they have in their heads.

Essentially, it is about power and Orientalism. These men have ideas of docile, Asian women and children being submissive to their demands. They do not think of the woman they are violating as an individual, someone’s child, someone’s mother, someone’s sister, someone with a personality and dreams and ideas. It is absolutely appalling to know that this is going on across the world. However, it goes even further when you see it happening right in front of you and you are entirely helpless. Should I call a hotline and be satisfied when they tell me that they know about the problem and they are working on it? Am I supposed to confront one man and tell him he is disgusting, while thousands of other men are doing the same thing? Do I help the girl, who has probably been raped so many times since she was five that she cannot imagine any other life? How can I do anything?

Sincerely, Little Girl

2008-07-24T08:28:00.000-04:00

July 16, 2008

After about a month, I finally have a roommate! Becca is a student at New York University, working at the Palm Tree Orphanage to fulfill a requirement for her Masters degree in Social Work. She also has a Masters in Art Therapy, so she plans to hold one on one sessions with the mentally disabled children. Through art, she will work with the children to understand more about their pasts and help them cope with what they have been through. Becca is passionate about many of the same social change issues as I am, so I look forward to spending more time with her.

My classes are going well. The students are scheduled to take monthly exams tomorrow, so I look forward to tracking their progress. Their English tests consist of seven parts, including Reading, Writing, Listening, Speaking, Homework, Hygiene and Participation. I notice that my students’ have the most difficulty with reading. I believe they were taught incorrectly originally, because they are usually unable to pair letters with sounds. For example, if I write the letter R on the board, they will not be able to make an R sound. They can pronounce the word apple, simply because they have heard it before and can repeat it. But if I ask them to pronounce the word approach, they would not know where to begin. When they are reading, I tell them to sound the words out, but they do not know what that means. They are accustomed to just imitating the sounds phonetically, without pairing them with the letters. This is a huge problem, because they will be unable to use their knowledge to sound out new words; they will only be able to imitate the words they have been taught. I am slowly trying to correct this problem, but I am not sure how successful I will be.

As Election Day is on July 27, I have engaged many of the staff members in discussion about the government and political process in Cambodia. Though over twenty parties run, it is expected that the Cambodian People’s Party (CPP) will win once again. The party has been in power since the end of the Khmer Rouge regime. Many people in the rural areas of Cambodia attribute Pol Pot’s downfall to the work of the CPP, so they consistently vote for them. However, the party is extremely corrupt and does little to help those living in poverty. It is very interesting to see how political campaigns are conducted here. Large trucks representing different parties drive around the city, blasting political messages from loudspeakers and handing out pamphlets.

This dialogue between the staff and I has resulted in a lot of questions about the upcoming election in the United States. When I told them that some people in America choose not to vote, they did not understand. The United States government provides a number of services for their citizens, which is unheard of in Cambodia. The government here will not help its citizens unless they receive some type of payment in return. Police officers accept bribes daily, and are seen as more of a problem than the crimes they are supposed to prevent. To impoverished Cambodians, the United States is seen as an amazing country of opportunity and support. Therefore, they could not possibly see how American citizens would choose not to be involved in the political process.

Even though I told them I agreed with them, I realize that I have often taken our government for granted too. I vehemently disagree with almost all of George W. Bush’s views and the actions of his administration over the past eight years. However, despite who is in office, the United States still provides so many freedoms that other countries do not. Simply writing an opinion article criticizing the President or walking hand in hand with your partner could be a crime in some countries. Though I did not realize it at first, I have taken a great deal for granted in the United States and I am glad that I have this experience to remind me of how fortunate I am.

S-21 and The Killing Fields

2008-07-22T03:21:00.000-04:00

From July 14, 2008

It is hard to believe that I am halfway through my summer in Cambodia. Though it has been a relatively short time, I have already learned so much about the country and its people. The children and my assistant teachers love to tell me about their culture and beliefs, which has been incredibly helpful. Being here and interacting with the locals has taught me more than any book ever could and I realize how valuable my time here has been.

Yesterday, the Palm Tree staff invited the volunteers to see the Killing Fields and S-21, the Khmer Rouge torture camp. I had read and written about Pol Pot’s regime in college, so I did know some background information about the genocide. However, I was still entirely unprepared for what we encountered. We first visited the Killing Fields, where the Khmer Rouge would take prisoners, execute them, and throw them into mass graves. It was chilling to actually stand where such horrific massacres had taken place. Thousands of skulls filled a large pagoda in the center, as a tribute to those who were murdered. It was simply shocking to see the remains of those who were victims of the Khmer Rouge, right in front of me.

After visiting the Killing Fields, I was already feeling emotionally exhausted. I had studied so much about the genocide that standing so close to the mass graves was almost unbearable. I carried on to see S-21, also known as Tuol Sleng. This was a school that the Khmer Rouge used as an interrogation and torture camp. Each room in the school had a metal bed, which was accompanied by chains and torture devices. Cement dividers were created in some rooms, so that prisoners could be held in smaller cells. On the walls, we saw tally marks to keep track of who was interrogated and beaten. I was shocked to find that many of the rooms were still stained with blood. We also visited the documentation center, where we saw photos the Khmer Rouge took of the victims. It was so frightening to see photos of young children and mothers holding small babies, with facial expressions that seemed to cry out for help.

So many people were murdered by the Khmer Rouge. After Pol Pot’s regime took power, they evacuated Phnom Penh, in pursuit of creating a classless peasant society. They killed men, women and children who did not comply, as well as government officials, college professors and other intellectuals, resulting in millions of deaths. Walking around S-21, where so many people had been tortured, I began to think about how genocide occurs. How does one evil person convince others that torture and killing is acceptable? How does the rest of the world stand idly by as innocent people suffer? How can we ensure that genocide never occurs again? It is sad that these questions are unanswerable and that such massacres continue to this day. Despite the activism taking place on college campuses about Darfur, governments still turn away from those in need in Sudan. How can we, as a global society, work together to stop genocide? When will such hatred and depravity end?

Roughing It

2008-07-15T21:12:00.000-04:00

From July 10, 2008.

Life at the Palm Tree Orphanage became a bit more challenging for me this week. It began with a two day long power outage. Previously, the power would go out for a few hours at a time. So when the lights and air conditioner went out at 7:00pm the other day, I did not think too much of it. I assumed it would return around 9:00pm or 10:00pm. I fell asleep rather comfortably, but woke up drenched in sweat. It was morning and the power had not yet returned! I did not worry too much, since I figured there was nothing I could do. Besides, not having the air conditioner on is only a minor inconvenience. I am more bothered by not being able to have a hot shower, as the water is heated by electricity. At around 8:00pm that night, the power was still not back. I decided to sleep outside in a mosquito net I fortunately brought with me, even though I was told it was unnecessary in Phnom Penh. The power returned the next morning and I am happy to have my air conditioner back!

However, though we have electricity, we are now without running water. Around the same time that the power returned, a pipe broke and now there is no water available for the interns’ or girls’ rooms. Having never lived without running water, I did not realize what I was taking for granted! For two days now, I have been unable to shower normally or flush the toilet. Yesterday, I showered out of a large bucket, which was an interesting experience. Through all of this upheaval, the kids have been incredibly helpful. This is the life they are used to, so they are willing to help me adapt. The girls helped me set up my mosquito net and slept beside me outside. They also filled and carried five gallon buckets of water to keep in my room so that I can wash and brush my teeth. It is very nice to have them help me along the way!

These experiences are helping me deal with transition. Before my time here, I used to avoid change. I kept a regular routine, and lived comfortably knowing exactly what would happen next. However, that is impossible in Cambodia. Every day is different and presents a unique challenge. I have learned to not get so worried about things that are out of my control. If the power is out and I cannot email my family, I cannot do anything about it. If the water is not running and I cannot shower as I am used to for several days, I will just have to live with it. I am slowly becoming accustomed to dealing with whatever changes come my way.

I am pleased that my classes are going well. The other day, I was reading to a few of the kids in my spare time. I noticed that one of the staff member’s wives was trying to listen from a distance. When I invited her to sit with us, one of the kids told me she did not speak any English, which is rare. Most adults at the orphanage know at least a few words. The next day, I arrived at my morning class to see the same woman sitting at a desk with a brand new notebook, waiting for me to begin my lesson! It was so interesting to see this grown woman sitting amongst seven and eight year old children, as eager to learn English as they were. She did quite well on her first day, and I stayed with her afterwards to review what she did not understand. I taught her the alphabet and a few basic greetings as well. I asked one of the children to tell her in Khmer that she was welcome to return to my class at any time, as she was an excellent student.

For some reason, hearing this woman memorize and recite the alphabet was so rewarding for me. I felt something that I do not usually feel when I teach. Perhaps it is because she is older, or maybe it is because she took the initiative to come to my classroom and learn. Either way, I felt very good about teaching this woman and I hope she continues to come to my class.

Siem Reap

2008-07-12T21:10:00.000-04:00

From July 8, 2008.

Last weekend, I decided to take a small trip to celebrate living in Cambodia for a month. I travelled north to Siem Reap to see Angkor Wat. When I began studying about Cambodia, I remember being very interested in the beauty of Angkor Wat. The pictures I saw were simply breathtaking and I could not imagine such a pristine place existing on Earth. I knew that I would have to spend some time in Siem Reap this summer. The opportunity arose last week, as two volunteers wanted to see Angkor Wat before they ended their internship and left for the United States. I accompanied them and we visited the three main temples, Ta Prohm, Bayon and Angkor Wat. Angkor Wat is probably the most famous temple, especially because it adorns the Cambodian flag. However, I found them all equally beautiful and I thoroughly enjoyed my weekend.

As I walked through Ta Prohm, it finally hit me that I was successfully living and working in Cambodia. An idea that came to my mind randomly a year ago had come to fruition. I had found an organization on my own and taken the steps to secure an internship in a country with which the Watson Fellowship had no ties. Now that I am here, I realize how incredibly challenging it is to live in a developing nation, both mentally and physically. I am proud of how far I have come so far, but I realize I do have two months to go. I wonder how I will react to the rest of my time in Cambodia. Will it get easier? Will I still be emotionally drained each day from working with intelligent but impoverished children?

This summer has also been emotionally difficult due to the gender issue. I will admit that before I arrived in Cambodia, I completely underestimated the problems that I may encounter tied to gender. I knew that women were seen as inferior to men, as in many countries, but I did not know how pervasive this would be and how it would affect me. As a Women’s Studies major and a feminist, I am very passionate about fighting for equal rights for every person. However, I have seen things in Cambodia that trouble me so deeply, that I do not know how to contain it. For example, in Siem Reap, when I saw old white men walking around with young, Cambodian women who are clearly prostitutes, it enraged me. Why would they buy into a system that is so dangerous to women? Prostitutes are put in danger every day, as they are often assaulted or raped. They are not tested for sexually transmitted diseases and their general health is disregarded entirely. They do not receive a fair share of the money and they have limited opportunities to break free from prostitution and receive an education. I refuse to even discuss child prostitution, as it is an issue that I cannot bear to write about while I am in Cambodia.

In Siem Reap, I went from seeing the beautiful temples of Angkor Wat and thinking how lucky I was to be working in Cambodia, to seeing old men paying seventeen year old girls for sex and becoming disgusted. This actually describes by time thus far in Cambodia quite succinctly. It is an emotional rollercoaster. One minute, I will hear a child’s correct answer in class and happily realize they understand the concept I am teaching. Then, my mind will travel back to some of the terrible things I have seen here and I nearly want to cry. My time so far has been emotionally challenging but I am trying my best to embrace it. I am taking this as a learning experience and I hope to channel any negative energy into my goal to create social change, in one way or another.

2008-07-06T22:02:00.001-04:00

From July 2, 2008

I have been teaching at the Palm Tree Orphanage for about a month and I am very pleased with the children’s progress so far. They are only eight or nine years old, and they already are able to speak, read and write in English and Khmer. I am very impressed by their diligence and dedication to learning both languages. Also, I love their enthusiasm. The children come to class early each day, ready to present their homework and start a new lesson. I have never encountered a child who was not ready to answer a question or who failed to complete the assigned work. It is evident that they value their education. This is refreshing, especially because there are so many students in America who take public school for granted. School, sometimes seen as boring to young American students, is seen as a great privilege and an honor to these Cambodian children. They realize that not every child in Cambodia has access to education, so they do their best to take advantage of the opportunity they are offered.

Yesterday, two donors, who have supported Palm Tree since its creation in 2002, visited the orphanage. From what I have heard, this couple has funded almost all of the activities and programs at Palm Tree. They are regarded very highly here. The children call them Mommy and Daddy and their photos hang in the office. When I awoke that morning, I knew it would be a very different day. As I left my room at 6:30am, all the children were cleaning the orphanage. By that, I do not mean just sweeping and picking up garbage. The children were scrubbing the windows and mopping the stairs, and making sure everything was spotless for the donors’ arrival. We were scheduled to pick them up at the airport at 5:00pm. I figured a few children would come with us, as is usual procedure when a volunteer arrives. Imagine my shock when I saw one hundred kids pile into a school bus equipped for fifty! They all managed to fit, as they all urgently wanted to greet the donors as soon as possible. Each of the children wore a new outfit, without the stains and tears that accompany their everyday clothes.

When the donors emerged from the airport, they were greeted by all of the children, who hugged and kissed them. It was really amazing to watch. There was such an outpouring of emotion from these children, who clearly appreciate everything that these donors have provided to them. I thought back to my work at Echoing Green, and how I had helped to brainstorm ways to generate donations. It is hard to pinpoint a good way to thank a donor to ensure that they will continue to give money in the future. But imagine if every donor to a non profit could be thanked in such a way as the Palm Tree donors were yesterday at the airport? Not only are you shown appreciation directly from the people you are helping, but you see the results. They can see how happy and healthy these children are and it shows that their money is going to a good cause.

Upon returning to the orphanage, the children put on a small concert of traditional Khmer songs. Then, we all had dinner. We had roasted chicken and bread, which I enjoyed very much, especially after weeks of egg and rice. After dinner, we danced! I learned a few Khmer dances, including one that looked very similar to the Electric Slide. We also danced to Khmer versions of American rap songs, which was as fun as it was amusing. Unfortunately, I did not get a chance to talk to the donors. I knew that I probably would not be able to get a chance to interact with them much, as they are here to spend time with the children. However, I would love to know what inspired their philanthropy and what kind of business they operate that they can be so generous.

Well, my job is done here

2008-07-06T22:00:00.000-04:00

"I like your backpack!"
"Chicken."

More of week 3

2008-07-01T21:13:00.000-04:00

From June 27, 2008

This week, I have made an effort to find out more about Cambodia’s education system from the teachers here. Each child at the Palm Tree Orphanage attends classes at the orphanage, and also at government school. In the orphanage, they learn English, Khmer, Thai, mathematics and music. At government school, they learn twelve subjects including science and language skills, depending on their age. Palm Tree also has a preschool program for the younger children, to introduce them to Khmer and English. The children here attend class from Monday to Saturday, from about 5:00am to the late evening. Each day consists of both government and Palm Tree school. They are very fortunate to be receiving such intense education, since most children in Cambodia do not have the opportunity to attend school, especially in the rural areas.

However, upon asking more about the programs at Palm Tree, I realized something that did not make sense to me. The young children begin their English education in the Starter Program, where they work first with the Pink Textbook, then the Green Textbook and finally the Red Textbook. The Pink Textbook introduces them to the alphabet and numbers, while the Green and Red books teach full sentences. One of the teachers told me that since the children are so young, once they finish the Red Textbook, they return to the Pink Textbook and learn the material again. This made no sense to me! I tried to tell her about American education and how kids move from Kindergarten to first and then second grade. Progression depends on age, but also the child’s ability in learning the material. However, they seem to think that even though the kids finish the Red Textbook, they are not ready to move on to what they deem Intermediate classes. This did answer a question I had though. The class where I am teaching the Pink Textbook seemed to understand my English much better than the class where I am teaching the Red Textbook. This is because they have already been through the Red book, and now have returned to Pink!

I tried not to ask too many questions, because the system is obviously working for them. But I could not help but think how inefficient it was! Why would children return to learning the alphabet and numbers if they have already mastered completing full sentences? I wonder if the problem lies in the materials; perhaps they do not have an appropriate book for the children to work with after the Red Textbook? The teachers didn’t seem to think so, as they told me that the Director believes in this method, since the children will retain the knowledge better. In any case, I left the issue alone as I did not want to seem rude.

I have also noticed more about the importance of gender. Chores at the orphanage are divided between the children, so each week a different group will have to clean or get meals ready. However, I notice that the girls do the majority of the chores, including sweeping, mopping, sewing and cleaning the dishes. I have not yet seen a boy do chores, except tasks that involve heavy lifting. Of course, as a Women’s Studies major, I was a little upset over this division, but I must remember that gender roles here are not the same as they are in America. I also realize that I am often treated differently by some of the male staff members. When they ask the male volunteers questions about their life back home, those same questions will never be directed towards me. They are also very careful not to sit too close to me. I know that they are trying to be polite, as this is how they treat women in their society, but I will admit that I am not used to it! I want to tell them that it is okay if they want to ask me a question or talk to me, but I think most of the time it is very awkward between us.

In my time here, I have become increasingly interested in finding out about the culture and traditions. Of course, I would love to find out more about the status of women. Fortunately, the teachers I work with are more than willing to talk about their family lives and the way they are treated at home. At the same time, it makes me feel very fortunate to live in America and have the freedoms I do. Just being able to live on my own and work in New York City without asking permission from my family is something I take for granted! As time goes on, I would love to learn more about the expectations for girls growing up in the society, and how this affects the girls at the Palm Tree Orphanage.

Next week promises to be exciting. We are expecting a visit from Raul and Bettina, who are donors to the Palm Tree Orphanage. The children have told me a great deal about the couple and I am excited to meet them. They have a business connection to the founder of the orphanage, and donate regularly to the children here. Since Raul and Bettina are so important to the orphanage’s development, the children often welcome them by putting on a concert. I am excited to see traditional Khmer song and dance! Also, next week is July 4^th, and the other volunteers and I have discussed throwing a party for the kids to teach them more about American Independence Day. I am very excited for the events to come!

Week 3!

2008-06-27T21:12:00.000-04:00

From June 25, 2008

It is my third week at the Palm Tree Orphanage and I feel like I have been here for years. The reason for this is twofold. Firstly, I am finally comfortable here. I have accustomed myself to the random power outages. I try to predict when they will occur; for example, if there is no outage during the day, there will probably be one in the evening, so I shower early to avoid missing out on hot water. Secondly, time moves so slowly here. Perhaps this is due to the fact that I wake up very early for my 7:00am class. I often find myself looking at my watch and wondering how it is not later in the day. In New York, I would always have a multitude of things to do each day. From work to papers to meetings, there was always something on my mind. However, I really do not have much to think about here. All I need to do is prepare my lessons and teach and I have found that relatively easy. I am trying to take this time to relax a bit and not worry so much about “what’s next.” Thinking too much about the future makes you miss out on the present, and I certainly do not want to do that this summer.

I have a great admiration for the staff and children at the Palm Tree Orphanage. Despite the hardships that have come their way, from poverty to loss of loved ones, they have a great resilience about them. A situation yesterday deepened this sentiment in my mind. In the early evening, I was playing with a few of the children, when I noticed that about twenty kids and staff members were gathered in a circle, looking at something on the floor. I thought maybe one of them had caught a frog or a small animal, but then I saw a little girl lying on the floor, bleeding profusely. I found out she had jumped off the top of a car, and hit her head on the concrete, opening a huge gash in her forehead. Upon seeing her bleeding from the head, I said, “we need to take her to a hospital!” In hindsight, I realize they have probably encountered something like this before and should know how to handle it, but that was my first reaction. The “doctor” at the Palm Tree Orphanage, who has little training beyond his stint in the medical unit during the Vietnam War, prepared to stitch together the little girl’s wound. Just then, the power went out! I could not believe what was happening. There was a five year old girl on the floor, bleeding from the head, and it was pitch black. However, this still did not stop anyone. The staff immediately brought out motion-powered flashlights (donated by my family, which fortunately arrived last week) and the doctor began to place stitches across the girl’s forehead. As she screamed and cried and flailed, we held her down and tried to assure her everything was going to be okay.

For me, it was incredibly frightening to see the little girl in such pain. She is one of my favorite children at the orphanage. She is always smiling or laughing, with the most beautiful expression on her face. To hear her screaming as they put the stitches in her forehead upset me deeply. After the doctor finished and the crowd dispersed, I thought about the entire incident and realized how inspiring it was. During the makeshift surgery, the older girls and boys helped the doctor, held flashlights and carried the girl back to her room when he was finished. The young children held one another’s hands and did not seem to worry one bit. Everyone cooperated. There was no sense of confusion or fear. Someone was hurt, and they were going to fix the problem, power or no power.

Today, the girl was laughing and playing as if nothing had ever happened. If not for the enormous bandage across her head, no one would have known she was seriously injured the day before. In situations such as these, and with problems such as poverty or illness, everything is about perseverance. You cannot change the circumstances of your life. You must do the best you can. I believe this is what living in a developing nation must be like, everyday.

More and more

2008-06-23T10:18:00.000-04:00

From June 19, 2008

Yesterday, I experienced my first holiday in Cambodia. June 18 marked “Mother of the King Day,” which celebrates the King’s mother’s birthday. The children had off from school, so I found myself with a free day to explore the town. I first cautiously asked about the holiday, since I wondered whether stores would be open or not. My unfamiliarity with the day prompted several staff members to ask if we had a similar holiday in America. I told them a bit about President’s Day, but informed them that did not have holidays to celebrate any of the President’s family members. The thought of “National Barbara Bush Day” made me laugh a bit to myself.

I decided to take advantage of my day off and visit the National Museum. The museum houses a great deal of ancient Khmer sculptures, mostly images of Buddha. Many of the pieces were from Angkor Wat, which made me very excited for my trip there, which will hopefully take place in July. Afterwards, I visited a restaurant run by an NGO; all of the profits go towards fighting child trafficking and exploitation. Since I am interested in their work, I also stopped by their office to network and find about more about how I could become involved. However, I was a bit disappointed. Though the office was clearly open to visitors, the workers inside did not seem to understand why I was there. I was greeted by two women, one Cambodian and one Western, who both spoke English fluently, but they did not seem interested in talking to me. I asked if there were any upcoming fundraisers or events, to which they replied no. Then, on the wall, I noticed there was a public training session the very next day! I could not understand why they were not more receptive, especially when I was obviously interested in their mission.

In speaking to people about Cambodia in the past, many people remarked that the country is, in general, a very friendly place. However, I find quite the opposite! Aside from people at the orphanage, who are lovely and quite caring, I have yet to meet someone in central Phnom Penh who I would describe as friendly. Some of this could be attributed to the language difference. But most of my interactions have been very brusque and cold. Everyone seems very detached and distant. Recently, I thought of something a mentor told me when she learned I was interested in working in Cambodia. She told me that when she visited, she felt a tension in the city. I feel this tension too, and I am not sure if it can be attributed to the nation’s history or poverty or another issue altogether.

I must also realize that these interactions may be skewed because I am a woman. Though things are far from equal between men and women in America, it is entirely permissible for a woman to travel alone or to move out from her parents’ home before she is married. This is not the case in Cambodia, as I discussed with two teachers at the orphanage earlier today. One teacher was telling me about a problem she is having with her family. She wants to continue her education and be a college professor, but her mother is giving her trouble because the classes are at night. Her mother did not see travelling alone at night to be appropriate behavior for a young woman. The teachers also told me about how women cannot move out from their family’s home until they are married, and how marriage is not an option unless the woman is “original”, meaning a virgin. After this conversation, I realize that perhaps my cold interactions with townspeople have to do with the fact that I am a woman, on my own, in a foreign nation. The cultural perceptions of women change from country to country, and I must keep that in mind during my travels.

This week, I have attempted to talk with the older children to learn more about them. I was surprised to find that many of them are very willing to discuss their pasts with me. One boy told me about how he lived on the street for several years. He was brought to the Palm Tree Orphanage with a group of friends, who eventually ended up leaving and resorting to a life of crime. Last he heard, they were in prison for robbing tourists. We talked about why he stayed and his goals for one day being a businessman. One girl told me that her parents died from AIDS, and that she has living grandparents, but they rarely visit. She told me that she was very upset and lonely when she first came to the orphanage, but has since come to think of it as her home.

Though I cannot communicate with many of the younger kids, their actions often tell me a bit about their pasts as well. A few of the children have begun hitting me when I do something they do not like. This may either mean getting up to get a drink of water or playing with another child momentarily. Each time, the same thing will happen. The child will rear his or her arm back very far, and slap me across the face or punch me. Sometimes they just threaten to hit me, which is equally disturbing. Since I cannot communicate to them in English, I try to show them that this is not acceptable, but I am not sure that the message gets through. Last time, I went to my room and ended our playtime, to signal to them that something had gone wrong. Either way, the children clearly learned that behavior from somewhere and it disturbs me to think about them being hurt in such a way.

Getting down to the details

2008-06-20T09:59:00.000-04:00

June 17, 2008

In this entry, I would like to start by discussing more of the details of life in Phnom Penh thus far. I am living on site, in a guestroom in the Palm Tree Orphanage. I was very happy to be offered a room in the orphanage, since it removed the burden of having to find an apartment or a roommate. Additionally, the guestroom is quite comfortable, which is an added bonus. The room is equipped with an air conditioner and a Western style bathroom, which are both considered luxuries in Cambodia. The rest of the orphanage is not air conditioned and squat toilets are the norm.

I am provided lunch and dinner at the orphanage. I am extremely grateful to the staff for this, especially since I know they have limited resources. However, I cannot say that I am particularly enthralled by Khmer food. Each dish seems to be drenched in a very sweet sauce, which does not appeal to my palate. Dishes will usually consist of egg, fish, or an unknown meat in a stew. I usually just eat the rice. The other volunteers recommended I go into town at least once a week to eat a Western style meal to supplement my diet. One evening, the other volunteers and I were so famished that we bought a whole chicken from a street vendor. I did not know that the chicken would still have the head and feet attached! I tried my best to ignore the eyes staring up at me, and I ate as if I had not had a meal in days.

The volunteers here have been very helpful to me as I become accustomed to Cambodia. Since Cambodia’s Hope only accepts volunteers, people come whenever they can. For example, the two volunteers here now have planned to stay for a month. This week, another volunteer is set to arrive and stay for one year. Then, several more are coming in July and August. Most of these individuals discovered Cambodia’s Hope through Semester at Sea, a study abroad program that takes place on a ship that navigates across the globe. Terry Kellogg, one of the founders of Cambodia’s Hope, taught a class on one voyage, and encouraged all of the students to visit the orphanage. Indirectly, this was how I found out about them as well. A friend of mine from college was on a Semester at Sea trip. When she found out I was interested in working in Cambodia, she encouraged me to look into the Palm Tree Orphanage.

Unfortunately, I do not know a great deal about how Cambodia’s Hope is financed. I do know that they are a United States based 501(c)3 nonprofit organization that funds activities at the Palm Tree Orphanage. Working at the orphanage does not allow me to find out much of the technical information due to the language gap, but I try to piece together information as it comes along. I remember discussing with Jennifer that the founders decided to base the nonprofit in America rather than Cambodia to avoid bureaucracy, which makes a great deal of sense now that I see how things operate here.

The Palm Tree Orphanage is based slightly west of central Phnom Penh, in a residential area. The street on which it is located is not paved, but is a dirt road that floods every time it rains for more than a half hour. The flood of water soon turns into a river of garbage, as the water picks up any of the trash discarded along the road. This is simply a part of life, and the children wade across when they need to go to school. I was told not to follow them, as I could get a parasite. However, once you travel into central Phnom Penh, things look a bit different. The streets are paved and lined with stores, offering everything from clothing to motorcycle parts to computers. It struck me as odd at first, because it seemed that a country with very little money would not have a lot of merchandise to sell. My favorite part of the city is the Riverside, where there are restaurants and clothing shops and book stores. There is another area that I enjoy, informally called the Backpacker’s Area, which is quite often frequented by Westerners. Again, there are good restaurants and travel agencies so you can visit Siem Reap or Thailand or any of the neighboring areas. I have not yet seen the more rural areas of Cambodia, but perhaps a trip there is in my future. The Palm Tree Orphanage operates a farm in the Kampot Province and I would love to visit to see a different part of the country.

I have begun to think about my cultural project, and I have decided to create something related to the Khmer language. The older children have taken great interest in teaching me two words of Khmer a day, so I think I should take advantage of their kindness and learn as much as I can. I have become quite comfortable with what I’ve learned so far, so much so that I have begun speaking to some of the cooks and aides in their language. The pleased look on their faces when I say “Hello” (johm-rip-say-oo) encourages me to learn more. Also, I believe it shows them that I am not just here to teach my way of life, but to absorb their culture as well.

One week down

2008-06-15T23:08:00.002-04:00

From June 13, 2008.

I am slowly becoming accustomed to life at the orphanage. I will admit that the first weekend was hard, especially because I was facing a great deal of culture shock and I was a bit worried about how I would last until the end of August. However, I am feeling a bit better now that I have spent a few days here. The children are amazing, and surprisingly, as interested in teaching me Khmer as I am about teaching them English! One girl in particular has challenged me to learn two words of Khmer a day. This came after I tried to greet her by saying “hello” in Khmer, but I actually said a very foul word. Fortunately, she was not offended! She found it funny, and took the opportunity to teach me her language. So far, I have eight words in my lexicon and I am excited to learn more.

Classes are continuing to go quite well. The assistant teachers are helping me a great deal. They have set aside time to share their lesson plans with me, which allowed me to continue from where they had left off. They also gave me advice about teaching; they thought that I started out a bit too fast, and encouraged me to teach fewer concepts each day. I believe I made this mistake because I can easily make conversation with many of them outside of the classroom. However, the skills needed to carry on a conversation are entirely different from those utilized when knowing the full meaning and usage of a word, so I was willing to reevaluate my technique. After hearing this criticism, I took more time to review and repeat material the next day, so there was no confusion. For example, in one of my classes, I am teaching them numbers; instead of assigning twenty numbers each day, I reduced it to ten so we have more time to repeat each.

One of the assistants, Marian, is very friendly and we spend a great deal of time before and after class talking about the cultural differences between Cambodia and the United States. She began asking me about where I lived and what forms of transportation were most popular. She was shocked when I told her that the subway cost $2 dollars, and that is mostly how I get around Manhattan. That equals to eight thousand riels! We also talked about the relation between skin color and perceived class in our countries. Cambodian society prefers lighter skin, and Marian told me that there were “bleaching salons” where women and men could lighten their skin. This cleared up an earlier mystery; one of the children showed me a professional photo of herself, taken at government school, and the picture was digitally enhanced to give her pale, white skin. Marian could not believe Americans pay money to go to tanning salons and darken their skin several shades.

However, during one of our talks, Marian asked me if it is permissible for two women to walk down the street holding hands in America. I was not quite sure what she meant at first because I know in many cultures it is acceptable for friends of the same sex to hold hands. But when she clarified, she clearly meant if they were in love with each other. I was happy to talk to her about this, because I wanted to find about the status of homosexuality in Cambodia from citizens themselves, as they could probably describe society’s view most accurately. After telling Marian a bit about what it was like in America, she told me that it is okay in Cambodia if two women are in love. However, gay men are called “ladyboys” and, from what I understand, Cambodians seem to equate it more with being transgender than being gay. But she said that overall, it was tolerated in the country. I’m not quite sure why Marian brought it up, because I doubt that she detected that I was gay. It was interesting to go from talking about train rides to discussing cultural views of homosexuality!

In all, my first week at the Palm Tree Orphanage has gone very well. I am delighted that the kids enjoy my company. I wake up early and stay up late to play with them and I try to engage them in informal conversations to help their English. One of their favorite questions to ask is, “what did you have for breakfast?” and “did you sleep well last night?” I always open my door to four or five children, waiting for me to come out. One child has even made a habit of sitting next to my door and pressing the buttons on her watch, thus making loud beeping noises signaling she wants me to come out and play! I hope that this means that I am making a difference in their lives. I eagerly anticipate the upcoming weeks; I hope to make a great deal of progress in teaching English and learning about Cambodian culture.

Starting work

2008-06-13T21:48:00.000-04:00

This one is dated June 9, 2008.

Though my last entry may have ended on a bit of a low note, I feel a bit better today about my situation. It is true that Cambodia is extremely underdeveloped and conditions are far worse than I imagined. There are no paved roads, garbage lines the streets, and the stench of rotten meat is all around. Children walk about the streets, begging for money; however, they are being forced to beg by an older man who takes the money. The children at the orphanage have no family and can rely only on themselves, the staff, and the occasional volunteer. The children range in age from four to seventeen. Despite their hardships, these children are extremely loving and affectionate. I am greeted each morning with hugs and kisses, and they thank me for being there with them. They are made happy by the simplest things; for example, I brought several gifts for the children, which included toothbrushes, hair ties, jump ropes and other toys. As I distributed the hair ties, they looked at me with the utmost admiration and thanked me throughout the day.

Their way of life is so different, and it makes me contemplate the status of the United States and the lavish excess that overtakes American culture. I was discussing this with one older child, who visited the United States a few years ago; her parents were government officials before they passed away. The child told me how she was appalled by the size of the food portions and the media attention on celebrities. It was fascinating to hear this commentary from her, since I really felt out of my comfort zone in such an underdeveloped nation. I realized I take a lot for granted in my life. This includes readily available food and drink, electricity, clean water, and most importantly, a loving and caring family. The children at the Palm Tree Orphanage have so little, but they are so grateful for what they have. It is truly inspiring.

Today marked my first day of work. I was given my schedule, and I was assigned to teach several classes of English each day. In the early mornings and the evenings, I will be taking care of the children; this could range from playing games with them, to brushing their hair, to helping them clean up their rooms. This will surely be a job that takes up my entire day! My first classes went very well today. One class is basic English, for beginning students. These are very young children who have been exposed to very little of the language, so it was a challenge communicating with them. Fortunately, I have an assistant who is fluent in Khmer, Marian, who fills in the gaps where I cannot understand a child or vice versa. Another one of my classes was with slightly older students, who were one level up from the beginners. This was the hardest to teach, because the kids were older and thus more prone to talk out of turn or disrupt. The class was a bit frustrating, especially because I could not say “please raise your hand!” I also have an assistant for that class as well, but it seems she may be used to the students running around the room arbitrarily.

The classes went very well, overall. The children are fast learners and they are excited to be speaking in English. I have a hard time figuring out if they truly know what the words mean, or if they are simply hearing the words and repeating them phonetically. I suppose it takes a bit of time before I can truly gauge their comprehension. Later this month, I will be writing a test for the children, which should be exciting. They are graded on several items, including reading, writing, speaking and hygiene. I thought the hygiene part was a bit random, but it is the only time that the orphanage staff can meet with and examine each child to ensure they are washing their hands and brushing their teeth.

I love the children very much, and their smiles each day remind me of my true task. As I stated in my goals, I would like to express to each child that there are people who care about them, and they can do anything they want in this world as long as they dedicate themselves. I have been asking the older children about what they want to do when they grow up, and I have received wonderful answers. One girl wants to be a fashion designer, and another wants to be a doctor. I told them that they should study hard and stay in school to achieve these goals. I have also been helping them with their other studies in my spare time. Children at the orphanage go to class at Palm Tree (the courses I and volunteers teach) and also government sanctioned school. Thus, they are receiving a huge benefit in that they are learning much more than average Cambodian children, who hardly receive any education. By encouraging them to study and work hard, I hope to help them achieve their goals, despite their current hardships.

Things do get difficult at times. For example, time moves extremely slowly here, since there is limited internet access, no television, and basically nothing to do in your spare time except play with the kids or read. I still face a great deal of jet lag and my sleeping schedule is completely disjointed; I often fall asleep at 10pm, wake up at 2am, and then cannot return to sleep. Since I must wake up at 6am, this makes things very difficult. I am also missing my family and partner very much. Luckily I can talk with them online every so often, but it is much less contact than I am used to! I am hoping either my mother or my partner will visit me during my time here. However, despite these minor troubles, I remind myself that I am here for the kids. I must dedicate myself to whatever these children need, since we are all they have. I hope I can change their lives as they are certainly changing mine, everyday.

Arrival

2008-06-13T21:36:00.002-04:00

Here's my first Watson journal, after I arrived in Cambodia. It is dated June 7, 2008.

After an arduous twenty hour flight, I arrived in Cambodia yesterday. Moving through the streets, I could barely fathom that I was in the country I have been studying and planning on visiting for so long! It was a surreal feeling. In only one night, I have learned so much about the children at the Palm Tree Orphanage, and I have been deeply touched by their lives here in Phnom Penh.

Fortunately, Jennifer arranged for me to be picked up by one of the staff members, so I could easily get to my destination without trouble. As I mentioned before, I planned to stay in a guesthouse for the first weekend to rid myself of jet lag and rest for my impending work. I was fortunate to be picked up by Perun, one of the directors. However, I did not expect to be greeted by fifteen young children, who could not wait any longer to see me! As soon as I exited the airport, I was welcomed by hugs, kisses and questions about myself. All of the girls told me that I was beautiful, and that they wanted to be like me. They very rarely see people who look like me, meaning light skin and Western features, except for the volunteers who visit. It was quite overwhelming, as I felt so much love generate from these young children. They were very happy to hear that I would be staying with them for three months!

When Perun asked me which guesthouse I would be staying at, the children became very sad. They assumed that I would be heading with them to the orphanage, and immediately started asking where I was going and why I wasn’t going to stay with them. I tried to tell them I would move in with them on Monday, but they were upset nonetheless. I quickly decided in my head that this was not the way I wanted to start out. I asked Perun to take me directly to the orphanage. Despite the jet lag or the problems I may face, it was more important to the children that they see me move in that night. I did not want to give them the wrong impression or hurt their feelings, especially upon our first meeting.

However, upon reaching our destination, I wondered if I made the right choice. There was a power outage! I immediately began worrying about how I would contact my family to let them know I arrived safely. My mind flooded with concerns about my mother and father. If I could not call or e-mail them, how would they know I was safe? Would they worry all night? The thoughts plagued my mind for the entire night, as I could not sleep at all. This may have been a side effect of the jet lag, but my mind raced with thoughts and kept me awake all night. I resigned myself to unpacking my clothing at 3am and reading to keep my mind off of things I could not control.

The children did make things a bit better. Upon entering the orphanage, each child came out to greet me, hold my hand, and thank me for being there. I was touched by their affection and love. The other volunteers, Cory and Shea, also helped me; their room was still cool from running the air conditioner earlier, so I stayed in their room a bit and learned about their past few weeks at the orphanage. They told me that it is rewarding work and that, overall, they really enjoyed being with the children. I hope I have a similar experience!

I feel a bit better today, because I woke up and called my mother immediately to let her know I had arrived safely. I miss my family very much and I hope this does not impact my work this summer. Upon arriving in the dark, hot orphanage last night, I wondered to myself, how can I do this for three months? How can I stay in this underdeveloped country, with no source of support? I hope to keep in contact with my family and my partner so that I have the strength to go on. I am facing a challenge, but I hope beginning work on Monday will help motivate me.

Kampuchea

2008-06-07T21:32:00.002-04:00

I have arrived in Cambodia and I'm still in shock. It's surreal. Something I have been planning and thinking about for so long is now a reality, and it's intense. I have to write journals for my Watson Fellowship, so I'm planning on posting them here as well, so everyone gets a detailed idea of my life here. But for now, here are a few items.

Well, it's hot. It's extremely underdeveloped (yes, I know it's a developing nation but I guess I'm sheltered) and there seems to be no solid infrastructure, so to speak. The children at the orphanage are incredible. I can hardly communicate with most of them, but they are so sweet, and so loving. I begin teaching English tomorrow, and fortunately I will be working with a person who speaks Khmer. Between the both of us, we'll be teaching the kids as much as we can.

I'll update this week with my Watson journals. I just tried to upload pictures to this blog, but it refuses to work...so if you're on Facebook, check out my album. Friend me, if necessary.

Thanks for reading and I'll post again soon...

And away we go!

2008-06-04T20:33:00.003-04:00

I can't believe tomorrow is the big day! I have been looking forward to this trip for a long time. I first got in touch with Palm Tree Orphanage in September of last year, I believe...so since then, I have been working to make this summer a reality. I'm so excited!

I think I have my weekend planned out. I arrive on Friday at 7pm. Fortunately, a staffer at the orphanage will be picking me up from the airport to bring me to the Boddhi Tree Guesthouse, which I will be staying at for the first few days while I sleep off my jet lag. I'm very grateful for this, as it'll be nice to see a welcoming face upon my arrival. On Saturday, I plan to visit Phnom Wat, to pray for a summer of good luck (I'll get into my fascination with Buddhism later). Also, my hotel is very close to Tuol Sleng Museum, which I would like to see that weekend as well. The orphanage recommends that the children not be exposed to anything regarding the Khmer Rouge genocide, so I think I'll be doing most of those trips on my own. There is also a classical dance performance on Saturday at the Chenla Theater, but I'm not sure of the time. Unless I can get more information, I may miss out on that. I might be exhausted anyway, so I'm not trying to plan too much, especially since I will be starting work on Monday.

I found myself very worried about what I'd be bringing the children today. My parents bought the children 100 motion powered flashlights, since there are frequent power outages. The flashlights are pretty neat...you shake them and that energy powers the light. I'm bringing frisbees, jump ropes, toothbrushes, hairbrushes, crayons and paper. I'm trying to think of sustainable items for them, but it's very difficult because I imagine these children need so much and it's hard to prioritize. Also, I reassured myself in knowing that once I am there, I can evaluate what they need and bring them on trips to get clothing and other things.

So, tomorrow is my 17+ hour plane trip into Bangkok, then another hour and a half into Phnom Penh. I will update as soon as I can, hopefully Saturday evening. I seriously hope my laptop doesn't melt mid-trip, as it often fails to locate my hard drive for no good reason. In any case, I will be in touch one way or another. If you'd like to Skype me, my name is reg.gen. If you'd like me to Skype you (probably makes more sense), leave your name in a comment or email me. And for a easy to use world time converter, check out this site: http://members.virtualtourist.com/vt/tt/1/. Cambodia is eleven hours ahead, but that site is pretty convenient for double checking.

Next stop, Kampuchea...

One week away

2008-05-29T09:48:00.000-04:00

Today marks one week until my departure. I'm think I'm about set; I have all my vaccinations, reading materials, Lonely Planet guidebooks and toys/books for the kids. I'm not looking forward to packing, however. I'm one of those people who is content with leaving the house with keys and a few dollars, so the thought of carrying around three months worth of clothes and toiletries troubles me. But I'll deal.

To prepare for my trip, I've been reading a number of blogs about current events in Cambodia. I must mention them, as they've been a valuable resource, and they would be for anyone else interested in the country. Andy Brouwer's blog, Andy's Cambodia, has been incredibly helpful. Also, I've been reading Details Are Sketchy, which tracks news in Cambodia, especially about the political climate and the EEEC proceedings.

Yesterday was the Jeannette K. Watson Launch, which is a "graduation" of sorts for the 2008 Class of Fellows. This year, Fellows will be in five continents, including countries such as Guatemala, China, Hungary, South Africa, Tunisia and India. This will be the first time a Fellow works in Cambodia, as I initiated this internship myself. If all goes well, hopefully it'll be a site for future Fellows to consider. Another fellow and I were voted to represent the third year fellows and speak at this event, which was really very nice. We got a standing ovation afterwards, but it may have been because I cried a bit. In any case, here's the lovely Class of 2008, looking in varied directions:

So, from now until next week, I'll be tying up loose ends and getting everything in order for my trip. I'm trying to learn some basic Khmer so that I don't seem completely disrespectful to their culture. This site has mp3s of Khmer pronunciation, so I'm considering putting some onto my iPod and learning fundamental phrases on the 17 hour flight there. I figure if I can get the hang of hello, goodbye, please, thank you and so on, it may make things easier. Maybe I'll add in "I don't want to eat that" too. I'm also going to make CDs for the children of some American songs, and I'm bringing DVDs so maybe we can do a movie or dance night. I hope they like Spongebob, because I've got the box set!

Until next time...

Getting started

2008-05-26T22:52:00.000-04:00

Well, I figure it's about time I start writing in this thing. I've created this blog primarily to keep in touch with friends and family while I live and work in Cambodia for the summer. I will try my best to update often, but I'm really not the best at keeping these sorts of things up to date. Perhaps it'll just consist of pictures at times, but at least it's something.

I suppose I should begin by discussing what I'll be doing in Cambodia and how this trip came about. I'll be leaving New York on June 5 to arrive in Phnom Penh, Cambodia on June 6. On that Monday, I will begin working at the Palm Tree Orphanage, run by Cambodia's Hope, teaching English and literacy skills to around one hundred Khmer children, ages four to eighteen. I plan to stay there until late August, or so. I hope to do a bit of traveling as well; I am especially excited about seeing Angkor Wat and even some of the temples in the capital. A weekend in Sihanoukville would be nice too, as the beaches look remarkable.

So, how did I come about picking up and heading to Cambodia for a summer? This question led me to name my blog "Why Cambodia?" as that is the question that immediately follows after I describe my plans in conversation. The exchange will usually go, "What are you planning on doing after graduation?", to which I answer, "I'll be living and working in Cambodia." One of two reactions ensue...either the person laughs, thinking I'm joking until I give them the stoneface, or there is a second of confusion which then leads to, "Uh, why Cambodia?" I've had an interest in Cambodia for a couple of years now. I worked with a professor who traveled across Southeast Asia, writing about the sexual exploitation of children in developing areas; this is what initially sparked my interest in the area. Concurrently, I was enrolled in a course that explored the history of human rights. At that point, I was able to study and write about the genocide in Cambodia and, at that point, I began considering traveling to the area to get first hand experience in learning more about their history and culture.

My interest in seeing Cambodia came at a perfect time. In 2006, I was awarded the Jeannette K. Watson Fellowship, which is a program for New York City college students that provides paid internships for three consecutive summers. In my first summer, I worked as a legal assistant at the New York State Supreme Court. My work was published in the New York State Bar Association Journal (score). In my second summer, I worked at Echoing Green, which is a fantastic organization. Everyone in the nonprofit world should check them out. For the third and final summer, Fellows are encouraged to work abroad. Just as we began to consider where we'd like to travel, I began studying Cambodia in depth, and everything seemed to click. So, I am very fortunate to have my work this summer sponsored by the Watson Fellowship. This trip would probably not be possible without this assistance, especially since the cost of airfare and vaccines are prohibitively expensive for most recent college graduates.

I will post a bit more later this week, perhaps about how I've prepared for my upcoming trip. Wednesday is a big day for me, as the Watson Fellowship holds an annual launch for all their third year fellows going abroad. Myself and another fellow have been asked to speak and reflect upon our time in the program. It is sure to be an interesting event. I'll write about that too, depending on how my speech goes. :)

Interesting.

2008-05-20T15:47:00.000-04:00

"I'd like to repeat the advice I gave you before, in that I think you really should make a radical change in your lifestyle and begin to boldly do things which you may previously never have thought of doing, or been too hesitant to attempt. So many people live within unhappy circumstances and yet will not take the initiative to change their situation because they are conditioned to a life of security, conformity, and conservatism, all of which may appear to give one peace of mind, but in reality nothing is more damaging to the adventurous spirit within a man than a secure future. The very basic core of a man's living spirit is his passion for adventure. The joy of life comes from our encounters with new experiences, and hence there is no greater joy than to have an endlessly changing horizon, for each day to have a new and different sun. If you want to get more out of life, you must lose your inclination for monotonous security and adopt a helter-skelter style of life that will at first appear to you to be crazy. But once you become accustomed to such a life you will see its full meaning and its incredible beauty."

- a letter from Alex McCandless, as documented by Jon Krakauer in Into the Wild.